high love and emotion

in the eyes of a lot of people, i’m at the lowest of my low but it’s funny because this is the highest up i’ve been in a long time and i mean that in every way. i’m thankful wooooooooooooooo

fuck society

i don’t feel satisfied unless these things are fulfilled

  • having a gf
  • having a car
  • having a nice haircut
  • having nice clothes
  • being aware of what’s going on in the media
  • having a lot of money

why? because society tells us we’re doing something wrong if we don’t fill out that checklist. bullshitttt

i never use this shit anymore because i hate opening up about jackshit but fuck it. i’m high right now and i never thought i would ever love smoking so much. either i’m so depressed i need weed to keep my outlook positive or i just have developed mentally to the extent that weed truly enriches my thought process. i think it’s a little of both but more the latter. i’m writing something for english 220 and it’s so easy to focus on the words i type while i play music surprisingly. thank you mary jane

why am i posting on this

  • i’m so stressed out all of the time except for when i’m really happy but then i get stressed and i think at all the happy shit and i just blandly think “wow what temporary bullshit” but those moments that i’m happy i’m just like wooooooooooooo
  • why the fuck am i posting on here? i stopped posting shit on here because i realized all i was doing was opening up to the world about all my personal shit
  • carpe diem or bust? that used to be me, but now i’m so future oriented in so many ways. every now and then i carpe that fucking diem but nowadays i’m just thinking of my next step and how hard it’s gonna be to get there
  • is there a difference between a good person pretending to be bad and a bad person pretending to be good? given that their pretending reaches the extent of attempting to fool themselves
  • sometimes i have these moments where i just lose all faith in the idea of a God, those moments of desperation and just shittyness, i wonder if there really is a God, why…. and then i think globally about all the starving kids and raped women and murdered people and i wonder…. if i feel this shitty because i got the wrong order at a food spot or something trivial, how fucking shitty must these unfortunate people and their family members feel and why….
  • religion is still such a grey area. it’s ramadan now and i see niggas fasting meanwhile all year round they drink they smoke they play girls out and now they must show how pious they really are… it seems so forced. i don’t know a single (practicing, and i use that term loosely) muslim who doesn’t fast, which is surprising because a lot of the muslims that i know don’t even follow half of the things they’re supposed to…. why? and why do so many religions require people to be of that specific religion in order to end up in a good place? is a good person not a good person? what about the people who never learn about another religion? i love God but boy do i hate religions. i love them and i find them interesting but i fucking haaate their effects on culture and just the misconstrued messages that are either due to my ignorance or a miscommunication
  • finally found the right girl and it’s so hard but so worth it.